This has been a long time coming

Something unpreventable as it's the natural order of things

That doesn't make it hurt any less.

You think walking out is the solution,

Just go.

I'll watch you stroll out that door again

I should close it behind you

But what would that do but lock me in again?

I won't desert the world for you.

I'm sick of being lonely

Sulked in grief for too long

I was wrong

There's things I do regret

You left for good reason

whatever it mightve been in your head

Abandoned again

everything comes full circle

I'd like to think you are suffering too

Don't misunderstand me

I don't wish it on you

Only speculating that you feel it too

and I hope you do feel the loss

I hope you end up missing me

If you can feel anything

I hope you can at least miss me.

God knows I miss you.

Theres a void I'm trying to fill

like the final wall on a airtight moseleum being closed

or bricks stacking on that wall you toppled

Slowly Ive chosen to build it up again

This time there will be no fatal flaw

I'm building a wall

I'm building it tall

No one will get in again

I can feel it

like a ghost's kiss on my cheek slowly leaving me

Everything that I ever loved

Everyone that I ever knew

Especially you

to betray there first must be trust

I will not be betrayed again

I refuse to be hurt again

I regret letting you in

Just like everytime before

Its a cycle I can't end

Fate has something planned I swear it

I've appologised a thousand times without knowing why

so Now I'm saying goodbye

Goodbye to everything that I loved

You were my one

my only love

There's no one else as close as you were

Every song seems to remind me of you

every sunflower

those cleaning commercials

you know the ones

gardening

the french quarter

I want nothing more

than to be no further haunted by your memory

Heathcliff isn't my name!!

I shouldn't think of you

But I do all the time

God it's like trying to go cold turkey on Heroin

Desperately I go

Trying to move on

Getting there slowly

I'm on my way.

Well I like to think I am

I hope I am

I'm going day to day

but sometimes I don't want to forget

which is why Im going to remind my self everyday

I lost someone important

because I wasn't who I should've been

trying to be someone I thought I needed to be

But it wasn't someone that I was supposed to be

I don't expect or want forgiveness

these scars I won't allow to fade

I need to remind myself everyday

of what I did

I need to learn my lessons

I have to learn my lessons

Because what is life?

Love, Learning and Laughter.

I'm not laughing anymore

And I refuse to love

So why should I learn?

Because I want to forget you

No, because it's all I have left.

worry i bite~Pox

It had nothing to do with love. It had nothing to do with affection or anything of the passionate nature. It had nothing to really do with anything. What was he thinking, what had been going through that mind of his that prompted such an action? That prompted him to buy such a being to keep her company.She looked at him, the creature who huddled in a corner glaring at her. How was she supposed to know what to do with it? She was no more than a child, and he...he was older slightly. She heard her father calling for her. She rushed to the door to greet him.

"Elenora, my precious daughter!"  He said placing a hand on her head.She smiled. "Papa, I don't like it." She said pointing to the boy. Who was now standing looking awefully dejected in the corner. "Princess, he's your playmate."  " He looks like a raggdoll. He doens't play with me!" " You have to be nice Elle." He turned to the boy now. "Come hither boy." The boy crept forward still keeping his distance from the little girl."You are to entertain my daughter, do you understand? That is why you are here. It is much better work than the streets do you understand?" The boy nodded. "Princess, I will be going away for awhile. I love you. Take care of your mother alright? I will write to you when I am able." He kissed her forehead and then said to the boy, " Protect her." and then left. She turned to the boy. "I don't even know your name."He looked away.He gave her a curious look before going back to his corner.

She sighed and went to her window seat across the room to watch her father leave. "Sometimes I want to escape from here. Run away from this palace of glass and gold." she said to herself. "You wouldn't survive one day out there." He thought. "Beautiful things shouldn't be exposed to the flith of this world.You belong right here, and I belong there. I can understand why he keeps you locked away." it was a whisper. Her 8 year old eyes caught his and for a moment they couldn't look away. She turned away first blushing. "You need a bath."  She said quietly. 
"I'm sorry I'm inconviencing you." "No! thats not it at all. I'm just saying you'll look like more of a gentleman, if you tie your hair back. I could show you. Here." She moved from her seat towards him and grabbed something off of her beauaru. She sat on her bed and pulled a stool over by here."Please come here." She said smiling. The boy not wanting to upset her complies. " Sit on the stool and look staright ahead alright?" He gulped. Unsure of what she had planned.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

++He's got sand in places he won't admit to
++I'm as dormless as a naked turtle.
++He's not that into you-sure he is he's just not as into me as I'd like, thats all
++Forgetting is so much harder than forgiving, so forgive so you can work on forgetting....
++I want to love you like you will never love me.i want to kiss you without holding back and I want you to do the same to whoever it is that you love.
++I'd rather be rejected a thousand times by the ones who I like, than the 1 whom I love
++There's a sad smile in your eyes everytime I look there. Is it you cannot love me, or won't? What is holding you back, or better yet what's stopping me from trying to do something about it?
++If I were anyone but me I would've said something. About how much it hurt to see you with her. To see you with anyone but me. But I held my tongue and watched you fall into dispair and misery while I fell in love.
++Ah to be young again! Young at heart, not young in form! For if I were young in the latter My husband would surely keep me hidden from the sight of all men save him and I would pine my freedom from a tower of gold!
++Time is the fox who robs us of our youth, and the thing we are always chasing . For as time flies, so we lose our beauty but are always asking for more.
++Generally I'd like to think I'm a nice person. Not good, but nice. AS today I was having a debate, do the thing I want (which would make my day) or return empty handed and do it in the proper means. For no less than 20 minutes I sat on the bench as my own judge and juror and fought with myself over this action. If I was a good person I would yeild to my desires, but since I am a nice one I gave them up later in favor of retribution

You lost what you wanted, neglected what you have.,,,Now what've you got but alot of regret?

worry i bite~Pox

I'm back....I think that's all that needs to be said.

Captive Hearts

"I am of the mind that: a decent death is deserved if a someone had a decent life."  He said with a cold smirk."You did not live a decent life,you did not even live a semi-decent one. You ravaged, and pillaged and destroyed. It's all you know. It's your nature, and to an animal like you....you can do nothing but obey that nature. It however doesn't make you any less guilty; nor does it give you any less reason to be butchered like one."  With a snap of the man's fingers the man was hoisted to his feet by two large burly rugged men and hauled him out of the office. The Russian Prince, who had been aboard the war ship when the ship had come under attack and then defeated the enemy (thanks in part to his prowess) sighed. He was so tired of traveling, he wanted to be home with his wolfhounds and go hunting with his brother.

"Sir." A man knocked on the doorframe bringing him from his reverie. "Yes, what is it?" "The ship has been emptied of Pirates." "He was the final one?" "No sir. There's someone else." " What's the problem? Bring him in!" "Thats the thing sir, it's not a man. It seems they aquired a female in their last pillage. Shall I hand her over to the crew like the others?" " Bring her here." He nodded and shut the door. A few seconds later the man opened the door and he threw the well dressed woman in.The man nodded and shut the door again. She was silent, and the russian looked at her curiously.She didn't tear her eyes from the floor. He noted she was immaculately clean. Probably had just abducted her. She had light hair that was tied up with a green ribbon. She was of European decent, but other than that, he could not tell at the present time. "Are you injured?" he questioned.

She looked up at him. Her eyes were emerald in color. Her face void of emotion other than pain. She was favoring her left arm, and he could not tell if it was hurt too badly or not in the dimly lit room.He moved from his desk and knelt by her form. She fell back and to the side moving away from him eying him suspiciously. "Are you alright?" He asked again. Her eyes narrowed.

~Pox

Goodbye! Goodbye!!

this is the last you'll hear from me

i go now to the great beyond

oh life i hath abandoned thee!

I loved but couldn't love enough

so i am no more you see...

I will never return to this aweful place

come hell or highwater

I loved you once

I love you still

why did i even bother?

These memories of you will not fade

so i take it into my own hands

i'll destroy them like you destroyed me...

they shall be no more

I shall be no more

you may think i'm teasing

but this isn't a joking matter

goodbye my beloved now and forever...

as they lay me in the ground

don't cry,don't scream or shout...

all of this was your damn fault

you couldn't hate me in the end

yet you ceased to love me

you ceased to even be my friend...

you move on as if nothing has happened.

like i was only a bad dream....

dream now of happy things

don't picture me in decay

though from this earth my spirit will rise

my body is here to stay.

Don't mourn my loss love

it doesn't matter

never did it to you

you couldn't hate me in the end...

even when it was all i ever asked of you...

You couldn't grant me my final request

our friendship now in shambles....

we move apart now

you to another toy me to another realm...

God forgive this sin

for what i'm about to do

goodbye my friend, au revoir

may hell await you too.

worry i bite~Pox

Either this will kill me,

or i'll kill myself

either this will kill me

or i'll wish to whatever god I was dead

this will kill me

that's all I can hope

because i don't know how far I can go

how much more I can take

before i throw myself over the edge of the cliff

I am wounded...

I am dying

I am scared

This has to destroy me...

because otherwise I will destroy myself.

maybe the hunger will get me

lets see how long I can last

give it a few days

i'll be gone soon enough

wasted away to nothing

no more sane than a loony

maybe out the window I will go

the fall has to kill me

Maybe too many pills

or a knife I can aquire....

Let's hope I'm no more of a coward than you are

I'm running now

Because I can't go on living like this...

I'd rather destroy myself

I'd rather throw away all that I've lived for

than live like this

than live without

well...you know

It will hurt more as each day passes

It won't end or subside...

It will kill me swiftly as time elapses

or I will kill myself if the time goes to slowly

I'm not happy

without you how can I be?

Already I feel it creeping up on me...

that blackness you once saved me from

this time i'll let it consume me

because i have no other choice...

the light is gone...From my heart and my eyes

I am left with memories I can't live with

in a place that isn't home....

I'll throw it all away...

just like you did

why not?

I don't mean a thing...

Nobody cares....

who could ever love me?

I'm crying as i type this

the pain overwhelming and cold

I hope it comes swiftly for me...

whatever death it may be

I'm shaking

I can barely type these parting words...

I always loved

I always cared

I can't live without you...

This is goodbye

You say i deserve this...

I think your right....

I deserve a premature death

something to take away all the time

that i would spend away from you...

you don't care...

You can't now...

You cast me out like a leper

like something that shouldn't be touched

something to be avoided

well maybe i am

You call me a liar

you think you know who i really am

how could you...

You break me...

Destroy me

well....I'll do that myself.

Fucking destroy me...

or I'll do it myself..

wory i bite~pox